You should listen to most others here in the thread and seek professional help. That being said, it’s not always an option for some. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it (especially at this time), but since you’re in the US and have an interest in seafaring work, have you considered joining the Navy?
The medical benefits alone can be worth it, but your want for work kinda sounds like you want purpose and it provides that for a lot of people. You’re below the maximum age and so long as you can pass the physical requirements for your age and a drug test, waivers exist for most other criteria. No experience required.
Service comes with its own stresses as does life at sea, military or not. Be wary. Probably best to just see a doctor if you can.
The US Navy is sundowning the platform, and like most assets deemed too old for the Navy, is likely now being transferred to the Marine Corp. The command gaining the asset hasn’t had the time to repaint it yet or the don’t have the paint because Marines have an issue with eating art supplies.